23rdian,
Shhh, I’m hunting wabbits. These are wearwolf wabbits with aids!
You are not now, nor have you ever been a member of the fnordian party, unless you read further
You are going to haf to lissen warry, warry carefully
You know why I brought you up hear, to feel the fnordfree torrents
This is gonna be great! My very own script! This detective story should sell! (Yawns) Maybe I’ll sell It after my nap! I need to learn to swim, but my arms are so tired, let me just be
NO! If you have come this far you can’t go back because your consciousness has been fractured and you have sucked on the teat of existenz
This is not your father’s war, with bullets and chemicals, which you can find, this is the greatest show on Spaceship, so great and powerful you shouldn’t really look if you know what’s good for your status
Eh, what’s up duck? Hymn, he’s asleep. I’ll talk ta him water.
Daffy’s script?
What do we have here?
Oh great, another combat movie! Dis calls for a script re-write!
(RAW re-writes Daffy’s story and then quietly slips out the door. Later, Daffy awakens..)
Guess what? I’ve got a real treat for you today! A script for FRQs’ newest blockbuster!
Well, I uh…..
You want me to read it now? Okay! (Clears throat) “The Great CHRISTmas Mystery” by Daffy “Dumbass” Duck. Once upon a time there lived a very famous detective by the name of “Duck Twacy!”
(We fade into “Duck Twacy’s” office (”Duck Twacy” is played by Daffy.) Just then, in walks Tom Turnkey23.)
Hide me! Hide me! He’s after me! He’s gonna kill me!
Pull your self together Tom! Snap out of it! Who’s after ya?
I can’t tell you but it feels like irreality! Curtains! Do you hear? Curtains! Here.
Say I don’t remember writing that. Oh well. So, I, “Duck Twacy” went in search of the willian who was after that over-stuffed turnkey, overstuffed with goodness.
(We fade to the streets of “New York” where “Duck” searches for clues. “Duck” arrives at the villians’ hide out - by giant flashing neon lights saying “The Villians Hideout.” “Duck” enters and searches the place. Then he starts walking on the wall until he comes to the ceciling which he walks on too.)
Nothing’s impossible ta “Duck Twacy!”
We gotta soitch all of da town, Mugsy.
Be vewy, vewy quiet I’m hunting wabbits! Hehehehe!
I don’t remember typing that either. Oh well, so then Rocky said…….
Okay, duck ya got 24 hours ta rub out dat toikey.
Sure boss, I’ll plug him faster than you can say “Jack Robinson!”
Say, wait a second! “Duck Twacy’s” not on the bad guys’ side. Oh well, I’m sure it was a simple typo. So then duck was walking down the street when he saw “Foxy?”
Hey pal, what do ya know?
I am the famous “Duck Twacy” of 23.
Oh, “Duck Twacy,” eh? Well there’s a guy on “ACME street” who says he’s 23!
Well, uh, OK!
Eh, what’s up duck?
Bugs! How are ya doin’ this?
(Bugs runs to a type writer)
I’m rhinoplizin’ doc! See! I’m multiplyin’ my efforts times the efforts of others and adding my swipe
files with the fecundity of my friends and presto!
It’s EXCELLENT, FANTASIC, GREAT, WONDERFUL, PHANTASMAGORIC! And it’s good, too!
Eh, what’s UP duck? Guess who re-wrote yer script?
Who?
Me.
If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!
THAT’S ALL FOLKS! Catholic = ALL, look it UP
Happy festivus, it’s for the rest of us.
Our Christmas special is just done being baked and is
ready for consumption
The Howard Campbell Christmas Special
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